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44 Things Every Short Girl Can Probably Relate To…

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1. You’re always “so cute,” which is incredibly frustrating when you were going for “sexy.”

2. People think it’s funny when you’re mad.

3. When you gain five pounds, it’s noticeable.

4. When you gain ten pounds, it’s really noticeable.

5. When you gain fifteen pounds, you want to fling yourself out a window except you’re certain you’d bounce right back as soon as you hit the ground.

6. Frankly, you can’t reach anything.

7. It actually feels weird when your pants are the proper length, because you’re used to them being too long.

8. Dress codes are unforgiving. You actually look like you’re drowning in fabric if your skirt or dress reaches your knees.

9. “Wait, no. You have to wear heels or I can’t stand next to you all night.”

10. You know that a “legal midget” is someone under 4’11”, because every person insists on reminding you that you almost qualify.*

*Editor’s note: People with dwarfism are under 4’11”, but not every person under 4’11” has dwarfism. Idiots.

11. You don’t always have to squat in the front of photos.

12. And if you’re not in the front of photos, you might as well not be in them at all.

13. Your yoga pants are all ripped at the bottom.

14. Boys like short girls more.

15. …because you’re “easy to throw around.” Hmm.

16. Middle schoolers are taller than you are.

17. When you’re sitting, your feet don’t always reach the floor, and you don’t care how childlike you look swinging your legs.

18. You can’t dust the snow off the top of your car, because you can’t reach it.

19. You don’t think it’s weird to have friends who are over a foot taller than you are.

20. “Bitch, please.” -You when girls 5’5” or taller complain about being short.

21. You see as much of the performance at a jam-packed concert as you would if you were listening to the radio.

22. Cooking dinner becomes an acrobatic experience, because you regularly have to hoist yourself up onto your kitchen counters to reach things.

23. Before reading this sentence, you didn’t know that normal-sized people can see the hoods of their cars while they’re driving.

24. To hold hands with a tall guy, you have to bend your arm at the elbow and aim up.

25. People like to tell you you’re short, as if you’re unaware.

26. There’s at least one item of clothing from your childhood that still fits you.

27. Everyone wants to “put you in their pockets.”

28. Your head is an armrest — as if everyone’s arms are just so tired all the time that they need constant resting.

29. Short guys flock to you.

30. Your “big growth spurt” shot you up to 4’10” from 4’4”.

31. Snooki and Kristin Chenoweth are your favorites.

32. Maxi dresses. Lol.

33. Amusement parks become a constant “Are you tall enough for this ride?” joke.

34. If you know an 11-year-old, his favorite party trick is making you stand up to show people that he’s taller than you are.

35. You were always first when you had to line up in size order.

36. Peepholes are pointless.

37. Wearing jeans when it’s raining is your own personal torture treatment.

38. No one can fit in the driver’s seat of your car, and the amount of time it takes for them to electronically adjust it makes it feel like the vehicle itself is mocking you

39. Putting something at the top of your closet means you’re not going to see it again for a very long time.

40. If you wear really short bottoms, you still don’t look slutty.

41. You can describe yourself as “tiny” and it’s not obnoxious.

42. There are people who are still taller than you when you’re standing on an elevated surface.

43. You mentally prepare yourself before getting up onto a barstool.

44. You resent people who are shorter than you are, because being little isyour thing.

source: totalsororitymove

 

The Last Kiss!

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Last fall, a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge…So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

“Hey Baby….. whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”

She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!!”

While he didn’t want to appear ‘sensitive’, George also didn’t want to miss this ‘be-a-legend’ opportunity either so he asked…

“Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe… Why don’t you give ole George here your best last kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that… And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

“Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That’s a real talent you’re wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether the person jumped or was pushed!

Jack And Jill

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Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side and said, “When I got married to your mother the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn’t possibly wear them, as they were too large. I said to her “Of course they are too large for you. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. Ever since that day we have never had a single problem.”

 Jack took his father’s advice to heart and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing.

He took off his trousers and handed them to Jill and told her to try them on. When she did she said “I can’t wear these, they’re far too large for me.”

“Exactly” Jack replied “I wear the trousers in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

Then Jill took off her knickers and gave them to Jack. “Try these on Jack,” she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.

“I can’t get into your knickers,” said Jack.

So Jill said ” Exactly, and if you don’t change your f*cking attitude, you never will!”

Jack And Jill…  via

So Drunk He Can’t Stand Up…

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An Irishman’s been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face. The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home.

When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again!”

“Why do you say that?” he asks innocently.

“The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again.”

So Drunk He Can’t Stand Up!  via

A New Bike For Christmas

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The New Bike!

Christmas was almost here and Little Johnny decided to ask  his father for a $200 bicycle for his Christmas gift.

Johnny’s father says, “Im sorry son but we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.”

Two days later, Little Johnny starts heading out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him “Where do you think you’re going, it looks like you’re moving out?”

Johnny says, “Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too. I’ll be damned if I’ll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”

A Wife’s Seductive Confession!

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With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband…

“Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”
“No,” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”
“Uh… no, I haven’t,” he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties, and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little more quickly with anticipation.
“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”
“No way!” he said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she replied …
“Go look in the garage!”

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Grandfather of the Year

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GRANDFATHER of THE YEAR!!

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming …for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.” Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say : “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.” At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice : “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.” Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad.” “Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little bastard’s name is Kevin.”
Grandfather of the Year [via]

The Cost Of Love

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On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!’

That’s when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut.

 

The Cost Of Love [via]